The Rolling Stones have made it clear they’ll never retire, so we’re not sure about the messaging.
The septuagenarian songsters have a sponsor for their latest tour, The Alliance for Lifetime Income, a nonprofit 501(c)(6) organization formed by large manufacturers of guaranteed products.
That’s right, a group once known for orgies and Altamont is now backed by annuities.
The jokes write themselves:
- It’s a financial instrument that dates to the Roman empire, when most band members were born.
- Bigger ripoff—high annuity fees or Ticketmaster convenience charges?
- Depends and dentures top-selling tour swag.
“Iconic supergroup. Cutting edge. Personifies longevity. Words that describe The Rolling Stones and why the Alliance for Lifetime Income is proud to be the sole official sponsor of their 2019 ‘No Filter’ U.S. Stadium tour,” the organization writes, before attempting humor of its own. “The Alliance is bringing its message of protected lifetime income from annuities to millions of fans—sometimes you can’t always get what you want… but you can get what you need when you have protected lifetime income in retirement.”
Strolling Bones
Rolling Stone magazine (no relation) notes that Jackson National sponsored a Stones museum exhibit in Nashville last year.
And since the Alliance is a 501(c)(6) nonprofit, the cost was “far less” than that of a corporate brand deal, but the band was interested in supporting the cause, according to the periodical.
It adds that Mick Jagger turns 76 in July, and most of the Rolling Stones’ fanbase hovers between the ages of 45 and 75, and “is either approaching retirement age or already in it—which makes them the ideal demographic for the unlikely group sponsoring the band’s upcoming No Filter tour.”
“Come join us and get a glimpse of how protected lifetime income from an annuity can help you live the life you want in retirement… with time on your side,” the alliance concludes with another groan-inducing Stones song reference.