Shock waves were sent through the snarky alcoholic sector of the deranged DC space Tuesday with the announcement that JD Carlson, bearded vagrant and creepy CEO of Plan Design Consultants, had donned a tie and gone legit.
Carlson, leader of a band of degenerate plan experts, left his four cult-like disciples softly mumbling about “the word of the episode” and obscure Latvian whiskey before security was called by alarmed attendees at Excel 401(k): The Advisors’ Conference in Las Vegas.
“I found this clothing accessory at Old Navy and decided to give it a try,” Carlson, a former “professional” surfer said later from his new office in Branson, Missouri. “I suddenly can’t seem to get the dual concepts of regression analysis and gamma indices from my head. Everything before now seems so obnoxious and juvenile.”
The catalyst for the cancellation appeared to be an unwarranted and completely unprovoked attack on the exhibit hall booth of 401(k) Specialist, a group of media personalities widely considered darlings of the DC space.
“Why don’t you just defile Anna from Frozen while kicking newborn giraffes,” one outraged advisor said of the atrocity committed against the beloved 401(k) Specialist.
Formal charges have been filed and prison time is expected.
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